Thursday, September 18, 2008

the real mccain

watching nightline on the change in mccain.

no longer the populist riding the bus known as the straight talk express, no longer the shoot from the hip speechless campaigner...starting with the bushmouth sarah speech at the RNC circus, it's become all too obvious.

karl rove has come out of retirement. the bush/cheney backroom crew is back at the wheel. mccain has signed on as the bush clone, hoping the success of the bush team will catapult him over the blast walls surrounding la casa blanca.

how nightmarish. please please, America, kill this monster.

and here's a mccain commercial promising to reform wall street.


what slime balls. what amazingly transparent bastards. the guys who created this economic disaster promise to go after the guys who created this economic disaster.

they think over 50% of america is blind. and, dammit, it may be.

this is a huge step backwards. even george couldnt kill roe v wade. if these guys get in, bye bye choice. bye bye family planning. hello abstinence only rape babies, the death of social security, the rise of those who have already made it to the top.

the rise of ruin. john and sarah fiddle around while america burns.

is this what we have to do? go all the way back to the way america was at the dawn of the 20th century so we can do all this again??? really???


lowflyin lolana said...

they're never going to overturn abortion. that's just the button they push. "abortion" "low taxes" "christian values" all they have to do is say those things, and people believe they walk the walk as well?

well, apparently they do. so while the house of cards we live in called "our country" is falling apart, devastated by the lack of rule of law among the ruling class, who just keep making each other richer and more powerful, and all people can do is sit in front of their TV sets, swaying gently back and forth in the breeze, spittle drooling, enraged, bewitched by the images and the red, white, and blue, and paralyzed by fear: fear of those religion-crazed arabs, and of these hordes of nonwhite people taking over our country, these people have to be stopped, long before they get to our door---and we know this is true because the TV said it was.

the perfect example is my dad and stepmom. one of their favorite activities is assigning blame for the ills of the world. doesn't matter that their family is finally falling apart after thirty years i'm finally unable to bear the responsibility for their bullshit. how many years of being the Designated Fuckup can a person take? Seriously?

How long do they expect that I'll want to play that role? if i'm actually not a fuckup? forever, that's how long. because that's Their rules and they get to make them.

And to save me from the predators of the world, I have my own rules I have to follow. And that includes, if someone is acting like an asshole to you, don't act like it's OK anymore. it's not OK.

So all I really have left is "fuck you" and yet it's much more important to them, I'll bet, that they see themselves right, that they can let the world and their liberal daughters know that they were right all along, believing their beliefs, sticking by Their rules, and backing up their conviction by sending their son, who has always only wanted to please them, dad especially, off to war.

it's not supposed to matter how i feel about it, because how can i call myself his sister? i haven't been in his life, i've failed my responsibility as an older sister.

never mind that their son hasn't wanted any part of my life, doesn't call me, doesn't want to know how i'm doing, couldn't even respond to an email letting him know i was engaged, last year.

when i finally emailed him again, i told him i was upset that three days had gone by and he hadn't even acknowledged my news, even though he had plenty of time to log into myspace and do things there.

and he said: "don't go flipping out. i've been busy."

why am i even sending this person oxy pads in the desert? for his skin, because the sand and the 130 degree heat don't agree? the same guy who can't reply by email when i ask him if he has a cd player or anything to listen to music with.

thinking of course, that i'll send him tapes from some of my kcrw shows back in the day. but he can't be moved to even write back to that.

which is evidence, to me, of the same old story: whatever lies they are telling about me, have him convinced that i am not a person to be involved with.

i have no idea what is being said about me, and that is for my whole life. all i know is that it's not nice, and these people, my so called family, treat me with a thousand per cent less respect and credibility than anyone else in my life.

and each time i have anything to do with them, each time i've dealt with them at all over the last ten years or so, has been so unfailingly painful and horrible, it's gotten increasingly difficult, and finally, i just don't want to do it anymore.

because this is one of the happiest times of my life and i don't want to spoil it. so at the same time as i am so happy and find myself at peace, in love, with hope; at the very same time, giving up this fantasy of family is so hard to take, that i'm almost not making it. i'm really almost not making it.

the doctor upped my does of medication. i am going to get into a women's therapy group. these are all things i know will help. but it takes time. and the nature of depression is that there is just a lot less of me, there. for anyone.

and i want more me. i want to be able to write compulsively like this on blogs. i want to be able to talk to friends again, to have the energy to go out and do things. my friend george has bulled his way into a visit tomorrow, we're going to walk in my neighborhood and i'll go visit amoeba music for the first time. am i lame or what?

this is what depression does to you----takes away your will to live, to do things you love to do.. i need what precious little of myself i have, for tim, for myself, for the birds, for tim's family and the friends i need to pay attention to. i have been dodging another friend, monica, for months, and i know she needs to talk to me, we need to talk. it has been so long with major changes and we need to talk. and yet i've been paralyzed. completely unable to relate one on one without bursting into tears. and it's embarrassing. i at least want the meds to kick in enough so i can talk about real things without becoming hysterical.

like why what i have seen of my family over the last ten years or so dismays me horribly. why it seems like they are on a bad path, moreso than they ever were, and tim tells me it's me, i'm the one who has changed, they were always like this, and i am not like that anymore, i have changed the way i live my life and draw boundaries.

all i really know is, i won't take the blame for my dad's marital problems any longer. he would like to think that i'm the cause of problems, or at least, that what i say doesn't matter, because i'm a fuckup.

i have "emotional problems." so everything i say is a "lie" or a "manipulation."

"those people will drag you down," is their credo.

but i've been pretending my whole life so that they can avoid the consequences of their actions. i've gone on faith for thirty years. i've done it their way. i have been trustworthy and responsive. and responsible. and with every year that passes, my thoughts and wishes matter less, and less, and less; and my knowledge of these people has dwindled to nothing but memories. because it's too painful to pretend anymore that their behavior doesn't shock and hurt me and make me lose my will to live. and finally i just can't do it anymore. i give up.

i just fucking give up.

well, he can shoot the messenger,

lowflyin lolana said...

guess i didn't finish that.

it must be that people really don't want to believe that this direction is a bad, bad, bad one for the country to be moving in. all through the nineties while everything was being deregulated, no one seemed to be getting alarmed about it. there was no outcry. media companies can own how many stations in one market? really? isn't that terrifically frightening? will there be anything more than a few editorials about it?

haha, not from the media companies.

so they gotta shoot the messenger..those libs with all their doom and gloom and their godless hopelessness. they're just projecting their own inner selves on the world....buncha losers....they're the ones who've put us on the road to hell with legal abortion and welfare.

haha. welfare.. don't even get me started about fannie and freddie, man. don't even.