one of the great things about being the last limb on the family tree is once everybody dies you dont have to deal with their crap any more. I have one sister who's full of shit...we say 2 words to each other every year: merry fuckin christmas. okay, 3 words.
the other sister and I have a wonderfully cynical relationship.
I know I'm fucked up. I can see the debris of fucked uppedness all around me as I move outta here. I work my way through it. of course I'm depressed and it's fun to think of how my family encouraged me to be this way. being the last limb means youre at the bottom of Shit Hill.
still and all, I enjoy my own company a lot. I enjoy the company of a few others. could be worse. I dont think I'm more fucked up than 75% of the general population and it's gettin late in the day for serious counseling.
so, I'll die fucked up. at least now I know I'll die in a cleaner place.
which reminds me of a willie nelson joke.
a man goes to the doctor after a few routine tests and the doctor says matter of factly, "your tests came back. youre not gonna make it."
"that's kinda cold, doc. isnt there anything I can do?"
"well, you could take mud baths 5 times a day."
"and you think that might turn things around?"
"no, but it'll get you used to the dirt."