Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I used to write things down that people said

...and my aunt Joyce hated me for it. She thought I was laughing at them.

I was totally laughing *with* them, my cousins that is. We had these four cousins, all boys, that we hung out with. Those guys are more responsible than anyone for
my sensibilities and sense of humor. There's no such thing as a boring house with
four boys in it. Anyway, so I was socialized with boys. So I'm still pretty good with guys and not so good with women. But I really was laughing with them because
they were truly so fucking funny and noisy.

Found my journal from when i was 14. -i was writing down everything everyone said. seems like i was a real bitch to mel. here's a conversation i wrote down at gramma's house: w/me, mel, and matt, who were both 11 at the time.

matt: "know what this tastes like?"
mel: "what?"
matt: "cow dooey!"
matt: "hey, that's mom langley's candy!"
mel: "she said i could have some."
me: "you're a con artist, mel. she said not to eat anything till dinner."
matt: "yeah, MEL! mom langley, mel's eating."
gramma (in a pained voice): "kids!"
mel: "hey, gramma, do you want me to count your dimes today? i mean, your pennies."
gramma: "no, i'd rather you didn't."
mel: "i wanna count your pennies. cause, if i don't, i'll forget to."
gramma: "no, because all you kids, and it falls on the floor, and goofing off..."
melissa walks out of the bedroom with the jar of pennies. gramma is rendered speechless.
me: "how can you get your jollies out of counting pennies?"
mel: "15.....16.....17..."
matt: "let's make noises....aaaahhhhh, uhmmmm."
me: "melissa, how can you get your jollies out of counting pennies?"
mel: "24......25.....26...."
matt: "that's 200....."
me: "mel, how do you get your jollies out of counting pennies? come on...tell me."
matt: "how, mel?"
matt: "you have to count like this..nan-5, nan-6, nan-7, nan-8, nan-9, nan-10."
THUMP. me: "just thought i'd join you here on the floor, since you aren't answering me."
mel: "three dollars."
me: "can i count too? 1....2....3..."
matt(plops down on floor): "NOOOOOO!!!!!"
mel: "matt, you messed me up!!!"
matt: "whattaya eating, mel? huh?"
me: "huh? mel, whattaya eating?"
matt: "don't goof, mel, don't goof!"
me: "this candy's good. mel, beside the chair, mel, that you were eating."
matt: "wow, a CANADIAN PENNY!!!"
mel: "QUIT IT YOU GUYS!! YOU MESSED ME UP!! NOW I FORGOT HOW MUCH MONEY'S IN HERE!!! GRAMMA!!!!" (hits me in the small of the back. i giggle. she redumps the coins.)
matt: "wow! another canadian penny!"
mel: "matt, you're a faggot!! hands off it!!"
matt: "waaAAAAHHH!! AH-AH-WAH!!" he runs into the bedroom, then, after a few minutes, comes back. smacks mel. "HANDS OFF IT!" he mimics, then runs.
in a few minutes, he's back. "QUICK DRAW!" BOOM. "Pfffffttt!" (sticks out tongue). "hey, mel! lose count and i'll hit you with a rubber band!"
mel: "MATTHEW!!!!"
matt: (screams) "I'M THORRY!!!" (covers face with hands) hits her with the rubber band. "that hoit?" hits himself. "cow dooey!"
mel: "jello-breath!"
matt: (breathes in her face) "ha ha, you lost count again!"
mel (screams): "ONE!! TWO! THREE! FOUR!"
me (righteously): "ya'll! gramma's going to get upset!"
me: "ya'll!"
mel: "TEN!!!"
mel: "FAGGOT!" hits him. he gets up and runs out the door. she follows.


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