here's one for ya: I think it's about time america got back into human sacrifice. I mean beyond military bullshit. wasting a certain percentage of our young for no good reason is something we do everyday. who cares, right?
what we need is a something that blends melodrama, cultural justice and pure entertainment.
sooo...what we need is, once a year, our most famous if not obnoxious celebrities compete for the privilege of offing themselves in a public spectacle.
michael jackson, in full vampire regalia with bright red-lined cape, plummets from 15,000 feet into candlestick park (or whatever they call it). helicopters are stationed every 500 feet to watch the action as he sky dances and moon walks to the pounding rhythms of his greatest hits. the moment he splats the huge mickey mouse logo, ideally made up of color card holding 9 year old boys, the papparazzi scurry in from the sidelines to shoot and interview the pieces.
a death match with hanna montana, paris hilton and the jonas brothers. we see them in unremoveable blindfolds in a large open space, given large capacity handguns or paint guns with special sulphuric acid paint balls and tell them only one will get out alive. which is, of course, a lie. the last one standing gets a 2500 pound spotlight dropped on the noggin.
then there's the year matt damon and christian slater attempt to pick off tom cruise swinging from a hollywood high rise with high powered rifles at 300 yards...but only if he doesnt pick them off first with first his 9 millimeter pistol or, in the last segment of the show, an uzzi automatic.
of course, there's oprah. she's on her regular set interviewing dr. phil, kenny g. and an absolutely devoted 750 pound fan suspended from an industrial mic boom. as soon as all four are in tears, the audience, which can increase to whatever size is needed surround them and proceed to slowly crush them until most of the original studio audience expires.
did I forget to mention? these are all one hour Fox productions...the ultimate reality experience.
do you have a favorite celebrity you'd like to see find their fate on international tv? we didnt specify when this would happen. I guess thanksgiving is an obvious choice. maybe thanksgiving eve so Everyone will have something to be thankful for all the next day.